Forget Elections: Deep Blue For President!
By Richard Craig
May 9, 1997
|
|
Forget Elections: Deep Blue For President!By Richard Craig May 9, 1997 |
It's being billed as Man vs. Machine. World chess champion Garry Kasparov is taking on the super-advanced IBM Deep Blue computer, for the unofficial title of The Planet's Greatest Chess-Playing Entity, or something like that.
It's a fascinating exercise (though not my idea of a spectator sport). But my question is, why are we wasting such brain power on a silly game of chess? The world has major problems to solve. Why not harness this extraordinary intelligence and put it to use at the highest level?
Kasparov for President? No way. Let's put an office machine in the Oval Office.
Surely I jest. We can't seriously consider placing a piece of electronic equipment in the highest office in the land, can we? The ship of state on automatic pilot? The free world's fate saved on a hard drive? The human species a mouse-click away from ruin?
Well, let's tone down the hysteria a bit. In the first place, let's look at its qualifications. It can calculate 200 million moves per second. Hmm. At times, when dealing with policy questions, President Clinton seems like he can do this. But one wonders -- would a machine with this advanced capacity have gotten involved in a dumb land deal like Whitewater? Would it have engaged in shady fund-raising practices? Would it be getting involved in a scandal every other week? I doubt it. Given the lack of reasoning ability frequently shown by the Clinton White House, it's not hard to say the computer wins the leadership test.
If we think back farther, the computer still doesn't suffer by comparison. It certainly has as much charisma as George Bush. It couldn't have pleaded incompetence in the Iran-Contra scandal a la Ronald Reagan. It doesn't have an embarrassing brother like Jimmy Carter, it won't verbally liberate Poland like Gerald Ford, and Richard Nixon's enemies lists and taping apparatus would be completely unnecessary with Blue around.
This being the case, Blue needs to be evaluated as a candidate. Five years ago, a catchy slogan would have been ready-made -- "Deep Blue in '92" -- but there's nothing we can do about that now. It would be difficult to sell the computer with a feel-good "Morning In America" style of TV ad campaign -- it's hard for people to become emotional over megahertz and RAM. Blue would also be at a disadvantage in terms of television news coverage -- the potential for perfect photo-opportunity visuals of a central processing unit is rather limited. Perhaps it could make a bus tour, answering questions from people in the audience while simultaneously keeping their kids occupied with video games.
On the other hand, Deep Blue has some major strategic strengths. When was the last time a candidate for president had this few skeletons in the closet? No shady deals, no clandestine love affairs, no dumb or contradictory statements to be thrown back at it. The tabloids might try to cook something up -- "DEEP BLUE RELATED TO WATERGATE'S DEEP THROAT!" -- but this would quickly pass. And what candidate, Democrat or Republican, would want to debate this machine? Charisma aside, getting facts straight would not be a problem for Mr. Blue. This redefines the entire notion of a "programmed" candidate. Just think -- who would want to take a stand on any issue with all the facts from the entire history of the world at Blue's disposal? Not an appetizing prospect, even for Al Gore.
Even tried-and-true methods for making points in debates would fall flat:
Still, America is probably not quite ready for a leader that requires a surge protector. Or one that gets ready for bed by flashing the message "You may now shut down your president safely." And certainly not one with a screen saver. No matter how much we kvetch about our presidents, at some level we enjoy their humanity. Bill Clinton's recent knee injury places him on a par with weekend warriors all across the country. Reagan's and Bush's foibles reminded us of the good-natured slip-ups of uncles and grandfathers. We want them to be our best and brightest, but in a way that makes us feel somehow connected to them. We want them to be strong and forceful, but still serve as fodder for Jay Leno and David Letterman.
It's too bad that we couldn't experiment with a computer in the White House for a while, though. Aside from the obvious decision-making benefits, just think of the Newsweek headline marking the end of Deep Blue's two terms in office: "Goodbye. Mr. Chips."
Unsubstantiated Facts Column Archive